Everything is Not About You

I feel a little strange broaching the subject of selfishness in a blog, because blogs, in essence, can be so self-serving. Bloggers vent their frustrations, share their secrets (be they intimate or food-related), and generally use their blog as a public diary, sharing things a bit too long to fit neatly as a Facebook status.

Now I won’t say I have never or will never use my own blog in this way, because I think there’s something fundamentally healthy for each of us in writing things out. I think when we explore certain topics in writing, we are able to reflect on our own thoughts and feelings a bit more objectively as we articulate them and reread them. That being said, I always have the intent to use my blog to share what I believe to be pieces of wisdom.

A post about selfishness, and here I am, taking about ME. I mean, after all, this is MY life. Shouldn’t I do with it what I please? That’s a fair question, and I think the answer is yes. But I don’t think that doing things for the self is the issue. I think the issue is not doing that which pleases us, but WHAT it is that pleases us. Are we doing something because of what we hope to gain out of it, or because it might benefit someone else? Can it be both?

I have what may be a radical belief as part of the foundation of my person. I believe that true maturity comes with the realization that the joy of others is essential to our own. “Joy” here can be substituted for “happiness”, “satisfaction”, or even “fulfillment”. I like “joy” because, to me, that word encompasses the others. If you are seeking joy, but are thinking of only how to obtain joy for yourself, how successful can you be?

I am a selfish person by nature. I am the first person I think of when I wake up and the last person I think of when I go to bed. I’ve met people who have amazed me with their selflessness and generosity. People who truly give of themselves unconditionally, and expect nothing in return. After all, no man is an island. I think if God had intended us to be totally self-serving, He would not have surrounded us with so many people. People need people. We have a symbiotic relationship with the people around us. Be they family or neighbor, coworker or friend, husband or wife, they are all, at times, our teachers and our students. Maybe I’m getting to philosophical for you, or maybe just too cheesy. But I believe that in every relationship I have in my life, I end up teaching and learning, as well as giving and taking. I think that is how healthy relationships work.

Take a moment to reflect on the closest relationships in your life. What have they given you? What have you given to them? If you are like me, you might find that there is at least one relationship or area or your life in which you could afford to give more. Maybe it’s more love, more devotion, or even just more time.

I want to be effective in the lives of people around me. I want to be like The Giving Tree (a favorite book of mine), and give every ounce of my gifts, not because I hope to gain anything, but because I have it to give.